Janice and Robert started having sex outside of the house when their two daughters hit their teenage years. Janice was so loud during orgasm and Robert was so embarrassed by this fact that he suggested that they go out to “do it”. Several times throughout the girls’ childhood the bleary-eyed children had opened their parent’s bedroom door fearing that their mother was being attacked by a monster or a strangler or God knows what. Robert was a gentle lover, not a sexual athlete but Janice was so vocal and enjoyed it so much that he tried to take it easy as he could. Janice objected to Robert attempting to smother her climax with a pillow, so it seemed like it was the logical answer to leave the house. It was Janice who suggested it, or rather “initiated it.” They were coming back from an evening meal with friends at a restaurant across town and Robert was the designated driver. As they were driving Janice suggested that the monkey wanted to eat the banana. This was not code for oral sex but one that Janice had devised for lovemaking to be whispered when small ears were around. Now there were bigger ears around and they seemed to stay up half the night.
They pulled over the car near the park and Robert pointed the car into an alleyway behind a parade of shops. They went at it hurriedly, excited by the frisson of danger and Janice was louder than ever. Negotiating the interior of a small car and getting partially undressed in the confined space was frantic and clumsy. Janice kicked the anti-theft facia from the car stereo in the process and Robert tore his chinos on the hand brake. The car quickly misted up in the cold autumn air.
Cardiff city centre look different during the daytime as Robert noticed plenty of alleyways and dead ends as he drove home. He was the manager of a division within an insurance firm and commuted by car.
Janice and Robert tried it in a variety of different locations in the car during the winter months. It was still frantic and fun. But two sets of chinos and a radio that wouldn’t tune into FM seemed a bit of a high price to pay. Robert was a cautious man and didn’t want to pay for hotels on a regular basis so the car would have to do.
Then summer came around and the sap was rising, literally and metaphorically. Janice was always more free-spirited than Robert but she seemed to be hitting some kind of sexual peak. Janice enjoyed flashing her knickers at Robert, pinching his bottom and grabbing his hand and placing it on her breasts at what Robert considered as socially inappropriate moments.
Robert had been a virgin when they met in their twenties but Janice hadn’t and she had initiated Robert with her superior experience.
When they left the Bangalore Bhaji they were both inebriated. Janice had assumed Robert was the designated driver. It was a local business hub get together and they had been placed at opposite ends of a long table on the seating plan. They decide to stay in a budget hotel. They never got there.
As they walked they passed an alley and the excitement took hold. Soon they were at it and Janice was no less vocal than ever.
The policemen who had been called to the incident were divided; PC Stubbs was all for letting the couple go whilst the older policeman, PC McNamara was all for an arrest. PC Stubbs had his body camera on and had captured about twenty seconds of Robert taking Janice from behind. The camera shook as he started laughing but McNamara didn’t find it funny at all.
Neither did Janice and Robert when the footage was leaked to the Cardiff Argos and was posted on the front page of the website a few days later. Luckily the footage was grainy and dark and you couldn’t really tell what was going on. Janice could still be heard wailing, the initial trigger for the 999 call and subsequent dispatch. Having spent the night in the cells and being let out with a caution for breaching the peace and lewd conduct shook both Janice and Robert. They vowed to either use hotels or make sure their daughters were out when they wanted to make love.